I've always been bookish. I prefer non-fiction, but I delve into fiction every now and again. I'm also quiet and introspective so, I would've been a good librarian. Except that I also have a very rebellious side. So, that whole following the Dewey Decimal system all the time thing might be a challenge. And on casual fridays I would want to be able to roller skate through the stacks. Casually, of course. Ok, so obviously, me working at the library wouldn't actually work. Because, I have a problem doing things by the book.
So, I really think writing is a better fit for me. I need to be creative, make my own schedule and write what I'm inspired to write. And without having to follow rules. So writing allows me a lot of independence, but that's probably just because I'm unemployed. It also makes me quite dependent. Writers need readers. Well, there's really no hard and fast rule that actually says that, but I think even Republicans and Democrats would unilaterally agree on that point right now.
I grew up in a family that valued modesty and humility. Where actions spoke much louder than words. Where substance prevailed over crap. Where you didn't advertise what you were going to do, you simply did it because it was the right thing to do. (And it usually wasn't the tasty way to do it, by the way.) After you did, there would be no accolades, just a quiet sense of accomplishment when you finished. But, this isn't how the world works anymore. Even though I still do.
So when people ask me what I do, I hesitate before I reluctantly tell them I'm writing a memoir. Then, I feel the need to justify that, further explaining I'm not a self absorbed narcissist. I babble on and before confessing that I've never written a book before and have no idea what I'm doing. And lastly, that NO I do not have some fabulous book deal with a publisher. Because I'm a just a struggling writer.
What I struggle with most isn't the writing at all. That's the one thing I'm confident about. It's all the other stuff that goes with the world of self publishing, which is most likely the route I'll have to go. It's the getting my name out there and promoting myself that I am totally crappy at. Now, shooting myself in the foot? I am fabulous at that. Seriously, maybe I should actually do that to promote the book somehow.
Maybe this whole journey isn't about writing the book at all. But having the courage to finally call myself a writer without having to validate it. And promoting myself without feeling like I'm obnoxious and annoying the crap out of people. Unless it really is about writing the book. In which case, you should buy the book. Or maybe just take a quick glimpse while you skate by it at the library. Or not. No pressure.
