Photo from Google Images
This is the world's best tribal belly dancer. I hadn't heard of her until a few months ago when I was googling male belly dancers after my friend Agnes said she had a male instuctor when she lived in Tunisia. Come on, you know you want to google it too. I'll wait. Although I consider myself very open minded and equal rights and that stuff, I decided (after watching some video) that this does not apply to men belly dancing. Turns out I'm completely sexist and I do not, DO NOT want to see a man belly dance ever again. But, in my search the name Rachel Brice popped up.
I clicked one of her videos. She's not what you would expect. Tiny and pale with washboard abs that she gracefully distorts and undulates simultaneously. And that was the moment that I knew I wanted to go tribal and stalk her.
I wikipediaed her. I read interviews. I found out where her studio is. And was disappointed when it wasn't in Colorado, but in Oregon. Damn Oregon. Oh, I'm sure it's lovely there. When it's not raining. And yeah, that was a backhanded compliment. I hope it stung too.
Ok, so I can't go to one of her classes. But, she has a dvd. She actually has a few instructional dvds. So I Amazon.comed it. Which overseas, means I had another 2 months to obsess over Rachel before that dvd arrived via the Nina. The Pinta? Or was it the Santa Maria? Whatever.
So in the meantime, I did what any good stalker would do. I liked her facebook page. I watched videos of her dancing. I tried to determine who was paler, her or me. Although I'm pretty sure it's me. And then, I told my friend Sara about her.
Because this is what sick people do. They draw others into their addictions and obsessions so that they feel less freakish. And more normal. And it worked. Sara was sucked into the Rachel obsession. (Although, I think I'm probably still her #1 stalker. I'm just saying. Oh yeah, and Rachel "liked" a comment I left on her fb page. To which I gushed to Sara like I was a 13 year old girl. Ok, an 11 year old girl.)
After waiting for more than two months for my dvd, I called Amazon to report it lost. The fate of many a package sent here. So they shipped another one. Which would mean more waiting. Damn it.
In the meantime, I ordered a Rachel Brice t-shirt that will inevitably get lost in the mail on the way here. You know to fill my time. (FYI, it still hasn't arrived yet.)
But the dvd finally did! And Sara and I made a date for her to come over so we could do it together. The dvd. The dvd people. And it was like we were two 13 year old girls. Ok, 11 year old girls.
She's gorgeous.
How does she DO that?
I even love her voice, it's so husky and haunting.
Did you see her tattoo? Stunning!
She kinda looks like Keira Knightly sometimes, but not in an anorexic way or anything. Just in her face, but with a minature tanless Dara Torres body.
And many choruses of: Oh my god, how DOES she do that?
Then one day, I put in disk 2. Where she teaches you choreography. And one of the songs is Whisper Hungarian in my Ear. Did I ever mention I'm half Hungarian? And half Canadian, of course. And I think I'm a quarter French. Ok, so that math doesn't add up. But I assure you, I'm 100% smartass.
So, I put on lots of eye make-up and lipstick that I last wore in 1994 to my friend Kiersten's wedding, which smells a little funny. Does lipstick go bad? Since I'm not going to dance like her, I'll just try to look like her. Or tribalish.
Do us both a favor, if you wear contacts or glasses take them off now. And the Rachel Brice-ish-ness will be uncanny depending on how bad your vision is of course. It's an inverse relationship.
I'm pretty sure Rachel doesn't trip on her skirt or make that smartass face at the end of her performance.
But, that's ok. Some day I'll be able to do this...
Photo from Google images
And by this, I mean pull off that great shade of lipstick she's wearing that I'm sure doesn't smell weird cause it hasn't actually gone bad. Yet.
